Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
