i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
