I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
