she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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