Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
