I love black thongs
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
