Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
