i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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