you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
