I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
