I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
