im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
