We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
