I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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