Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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