There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
