He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
