Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
