remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
