we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
