I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
