I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
