paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
