why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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