doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
