Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
