If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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