I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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