I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
