I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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