i think my tv is drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Come on in and take your pants off
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
