No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
