the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
