after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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