i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
