too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
