my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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