Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
