i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's great music for shaving your balls
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
