He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I DEMAND FORESKIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
