I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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