Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
