I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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