remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
