Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
