You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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