Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize