He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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