she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
