im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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