he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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