My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
