I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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