i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
