this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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