I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
