It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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