Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
this is an emotional support booty call
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
