This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize