Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
