someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
