she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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