Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
