chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
