I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
