am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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