I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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