Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i was born a porn star she said
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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