my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
