OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well I just put wine in my tea
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
