how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
