Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
